For related matters:
Heading. The heading contains the writer's address and the date of the letter. The writer's name is not included and only a date is needed in headings on letterhead stationery.
Inside address. The inside address shows the name and address of the recipient of the letter. This information helps prevent confusion. Also, if the recipient has moved, the inside address helps to determine what to do with the letter. In the inside address, include the appropriate title of respect of the recipient; and copy the name of the company exactly as that company writes it. When you do have the names of individuals, remember to address them appropriately: Mrs., Ms., Mr., Dr., and so on. If you are not sure what is correct for an individual, try to find out how that individual signs letters or consult the forms-of-address section in a dictionary.
Salutation. The salutation, the "Dear Sir" of the letter, is followed by a colon (except when a friendly, familiar, sociable tone is intended, in which case a comma is used). Notice that in the simplified letter format, the salutation line is eliminated altogether. If you don't know whether the recipient is a man or woman, traditionally you write "Dear Sir" or "Dear Sirs" and just not worry about it. More recently, however, salutations such as "Dear Sir or Madame," "Dear Ladies and Gentlemen," "Dear Friends," or "Dear People" have been recommended. Deleting the salutation line altogether or inserting "To Whom It May Concern" in its place, however, is not always a good solution; it's quite impersonal.
Figure 1-1. Standard components of a business letter. In this example, the block letter format is used.
Try to get a person's name within the organization; make a quick, anonymous phone call to get a name. Or, address the salutation to a department name, committee name, or a position name: "Dear Customer Relations Department," "Dear Recruitment Committee," "Dear Chairperson," "Dear Director of Financial Aid," for example.
Subject or reference line. As shown in the order letter, the subject line replaces the salutation or is included with it. The subject line announces the main business of the letter.
Body of the letter. The actual message of course is contained in the body of the letter, the paragraphs between the salutation and the complimentary close. Strategies for writing the body of the letter are discussed in the section on business-correspondence style.
Complimentary close. The "Sincerely yours" element of the business letter is called the complimentary close. Other common ones are "Sincerely yours," "Cordially," "Respectfully," or "Respectfully yours." You can design your own, but be careful not to create florid or wordy ones. Notice that only the first letter is capitalized, and it is always followed by a comma.
Signature block. Usually, you type your name four lines below the complimentary close, and sign your name in between. If you are a woman and want to make your marital status clear, use Miss, Ms., or Mrs. in parentheses before the typed version of your first name. Whenever possible, include your title or the name of the position you hold just below your name. For example, "Technical writing student," "Sophomore data processing major," or "Tarrant County Community College Student" are perfectly acceptable.
End notations. Just below the signature block are often several abbreviations or phrases that have important functions.
Initials. The initials in all capital letters in Figure 1-1 are those of the writer of the letter, and the ones in lower case letters just after the colon are those of the typist.
Enclosures. To make sure that the recipient knows that items accompany the letter in the same envelope, use such indications as "Enclosure," "Encl.," "Enclosures (2)." For example, if you send a resume and writing sample with your application letter, you'd do this: "Encl.: Resume and Writing Sample." If the enclosure is lost, the recipient will know.
Copies. If you send copies of a letter to others, indicate this fact among the end notations also. If, for example, you were upset by a local merchant's handling of your repair problems and were sending a copy of your letter to the Better Business Bureau, you'd write this: "cc: Better Business Bureau." If you plan to send a copy to your lawyer, write something like this: "cc: Mr. Raymond Mason, Attorney."
Following pages. If your letter is longer than one page, the heading at the top of subsequent pages can be handled in one of the following ways:
Examples of following-page header format.
If you use letterhead stationery, remember not to use it for subsequent pages. However, you must use blank paper of the same quality, weight, and texture as the letterhead paper (usually, letterhead stationery comes with matching blank paper).
Style in Business Correspondence
Writing business letters and memos differs in certain important ways from
writing reports. Keep the following advice in mind when you write and
especially when you revise your business letters or memos.
State the main business, purpose, or subject matter right away. Let the reader know from the very first sentence what your letter is about. Remember that when business people open a letter, their first concern is to know what the letter is about, what its purpose is, and why they must spend their time reading it. Therefore, avoid round-about beginnings. If you are writing to apply for a job, begin with something like this: "I am writing to apply for the position you currently have open...." If you have bad news for someone, you need not spill all of it in the first sentence. Here is an example of how to avoid negative phrasing: "I am writing in response to your letter of July 24, 1997 in which you discuss problems you have had with an electronic spreadsheet purchased from our company." Figure 1-2 shows an additional example.
Figure 1-2. State the main purpose or business of the letter right away. The problem version just starts flailing away from the very outset. The revised version at least establishes the purpose of the letter (and then starts flailing).
If you are responding to a letter, identify that letter by its subject and
date in the first paragraph or sentence. Busy recipients who write many
letters themselves may not remember their letters to you. To avoid problems,
identify the date and subject of the letter to which you respond:
Dear Mr. Stout:
I am writing in reponse to your September 1, 19XX letter in which you
describe problems that you've had with one of our chainsaws. I regret
that you've suffered this inconvenience and expense and....
Dear Ms. Cohen:
I have just received your August 4, 19XX letter in which you list
names and other sources from which I can get additional information
on the manufacture and use of plastic bottles in the soft-drink
industry....
Keep the paragraphs of most business letters short. The paragraphs of
business letters tend to be short, some only a sentence long. Business letters
are not read the same way as articles, reports, or books. Usually, they are read
rapidly. Big, thick, dense paragraphs over ten lines, which require much
concentration, may not be read carefully--or read at all. To enable the recipient to read your letters more rapidly and to comprehend and remember the important facts or ideas, create relatively short paragraphs of between three and eight lines long. In business letters, paragraphs that are made up of only a single sentence are common and perfectly acceptable. Throughout this section, you'll see examples of the shorter paragraphs commonly used by business letters.
"Compartmentalize" the contents of your letter. When you "compartmentalize" the contents of a business letter, you place each different segment of the discussion--each different topic of the letter--in its own paragraph. If you were writing a complaint letter concerning problems with the system unit of your personal computer, you might have these paragraphs:
Provide topic indicators at the beginning of paragraphs. Analyze some of the letters you see in this section in terms of the contents or purpose of their individual paragraphs. In the first sentence of any body paragraph of a business letter, try to locate a word or phrase that indicates the topic of that paragraph. If a paragraph discusses your problems with a personal computer, work the word "problems" or the phrase "problems with my personal computer" into the first sentence. Doing this gives recipients a clear sense of the content and purpose of each paragraph. Here is an excerpt before and after topic indicators have been incorporated:
Problem: I have worked as an electrician in the Decatur, Illinois,
area for about six years. Since 1980 I have been licensed by
the city of Decatur as an electrical contractor qualified to
undertake commercial and industrial work as well as
residential work.
Revision: As for my work experience, I have worked as an electrician
in the Decatur, Illinois, area for about six years. Since
1980 I have been licensed by the city of Decatur as an
electrical contractor qualified to undertake commercial and
industrial work as well as residential work.(Italics not in the
original.)
List or itemize whenever possible in a business letter. Listing spreads out
the text of the letter, making it easier to pick up the important points rapidly.
Lists can be handled in several ways, as explained in the section on lists. For
examples, of lists in business correspondence, see Figure 1-1, the inquiry
letter, and order letter.Place important information strategically in business letters. Information in the first and last lines of paragraphs tends to be read and remembered better. Information buried in the middle of long paragraphs is easily overlooked or forgotten. Therefore, place important information in high-visibility points. For example, in application letters which must convince potential employers that you are right for a job, locate information on appealing qualities at the beginning or end of paragraphs for greater emphasis. Place less positive or detrimental information in less highly visible points in your business letters. If you have some difficult things to say, a good (and honest) strategy is to de-emphasize by placing them in areas of less emphasis. If a job requires three years of experience and you only have one, bury this fact in the middle or the lower half of a body paragraph of the application letter. The resulting letter will be honest and complete; it just won't emphasize weak points unnecessarily. Here are some examples of these ideas:
Problem: In July I will graduate from the University of Kansas with a
Bachelor of Science in Nutrition and Dietetics. Over the
past four years in which I have pursued this degree, I have
worked as a lab assistant for Dr. Alison Laszlo and have
been active in two related organizations, the Student
Dietetic Association and the American Home Economics
Association. In my nutritional biochemistry and food science
labs, I have written many technical reports and scientific
papers. I have also been serving as a diet aide at St.
David's Hospital in Lawrence the past year and a half. (The
job calls for a technical writer; let's emphasize that first, then mention the rest!)
Revision: In my education at the University of Kansas, I have had
substantial experience writing technical reports and
scientific papers. Most of these reports and papers have
been in the field of nutrition and dietetics in which I will
be receiving my Bachelor of Science degree this July. During
my four years at the University I have also handled plenty
of paperwork as a lab assistant for Dr. Alison Laszlo, as a
member of two related organizations, the Student Dietetic
Association and the American Home Economics Association, and
as a diet aide as St. David's Hospital in Lawrence in the
past year and a half.
Problem: To date, I have done no independent building inspection on
my own. I have been working the past two years under the
supervision of Mr. Robert Packwood who has often given me
primary responsibility for walk-throughs and property
inspections. It was Mr. Packwood who encouraged me to apply
for this position. I have also done some refurbishing of
older houses on a contract basis and have some experience in
industrial construction as a welder and as a clerk in a
nuclear construction site. (Let's not lie about our lack of experience,
but let's not put it on a billboard either!)
Revision: As for my work experience, I have done numerous building
walk-throughs and property inspections under the supervision
of Mr. Robert Packwood over the past two years. Mr.
Packwood, who encouraged me to apply for this position, has
often given me primary responsibility for many inspection
jobs. I have also done some refurbishing of older houses on
a contract basis and have some experience in industrial
construction as a welder and as a clerk in a nuclear
construction site.
Find positive ways to express bad news in your business letters.
Often, business letters must convey bad news: a broken computer keyboard
cannot be replaced, or an individual cannot be hired. Such bad news can be
conveyed in a tactful way. Doing so reduces the chances that business
relations with the recipient of the bad news will end. To convey bad news
positively, avoid such words as "cannot," "forbid,"
"fail," "impossible," "refuse,"
"prohibit," "restrict," and "deny" as much as
possible. The first versions of the example sentences below are phrased in
a rather cold and unfriendly negative manner; the second versions are much
more positive, cordial and tactful:
Problem: Because of the amount of information you request in your
letter, simply cannot help you without seriously disrupting
my work schedule.
Revision: In your letter you ask for a good amount of information
which I would like to help you locate. Because of my work
commitments, however, I am going to be able to answer only a
few of the questions....
Problem: If you do not complete and return this advertisement
contract by July 1, 19XX, you will not receive your
advertising space in this year's Capitol Lines. If we have
not heard from you by this deadline, we will sell you your
advertisement space to some other client.
Revision: Please complete the enclosed contract and return it to us by
July 1, 19XX. After this deadline, we will begin selling any
unrenewed advertisement space in this year's Capitol Lines,
so I hope we hear from you before then.
Problem: While I am willing to discuss changes in specific aspects of
this article or ideas on additional areas to cover, I am not
prepared to change the basic theme of the article: the
usability of the Victor microcomputer system.
Revision: I am certainly open to suggestions and comments about
specific aspects of this article, or any of your thoughts on
additional areas that you think I should cover. I do want,
however, to retain the basic theme of the article: the
usability of the Victor microcomputer system.
Focus on the recipient's needs, purposes, or interests instead of your
own. Avoid a self-centered focusing on your own concerns rather than those
of the recipient. Even if you must talk about yourself in a business letter a great
deal, do so in a way that relates your concerns to those of the recipient. This
recipient-oriented style is often called the "you-attitude," which does not mean
using more you's but making the recipient the main focus of the letter.
Problem: I am writing you about a change in our pricing policy that
will save our company time and money. In an operation like
ours, it costs us a great amount of labor time (and thus
expense) to scrape and rinse our used tableware when it
comes back from large parties. Also, we have incurred great
expense on replacement of linens that have been ruined by
stains that could have been soaked promptly after the party
and saved.
Revision: I am writing to inform you of a new policy that we are
beginning, effective September 1, 19XX, that will enable us
to serve your large party needs more often and without
delay. In an operation like ours in which we supply for
parties of up to 500, turn-around time is critical;
unscraped and unrinsed tableware causes us delays in
clean-up time and, more importantly, less frequent and less
prompt service to you the customer. Also, linens ruined by
stains that could have been avoided by immediate soaking
after the party cause you to have to pay more in rental
fees.
Problem: For these reasons, our new policy, effective September 1,
19XX, will be to charge an additional 15% on unrinsed
tableware and 75% of the wholesale value of stained linens
that have not been soaked.
Revision: Therefore, in order to enable us to supply your large party
needs promptly and whenever you require, we will begin
charging 15% on all unrinsed tableware and 75% of the
wholesale value of stained linens that have not been soaked.
This policy we hope will encourage our customers' kitchen
help to do the quick and simple rinsing and/or soaking at
the end of large parties that will ensure faster and more
frequent service.
Avoid pompous, inflated, legal-sounding phrasing. Watch out for
puffed-up, important-sounding language. This kind of language may seem
business-like at first; it's actually ridiculous. Of course, such phrasing is
apparently necessary in legal documents; but why use it in other writing
situations? When you write a business letter, picture yourself as a plain-talking,
common-sense, down-to-earth person (but avoid slang). Check out Figure 1-3
for a serious dose of bureaucratese.Figure 1-3. Avoid pompous, officious-sounding writing. Not only is the tone of the problem version offensive, it is nearly twice as long as the revised version!
Give your business letter an "action ending" whenever appropriate. An "action-ending" makes clear what the writer of the letter expects the recipient to do and when. Ineffective conclusions to business letters often end with rather limp, noncommittal statements such as "Hope to hear from you soon" or "Let me know if I can be of any further assistance." Instead, or in addition, specify the action the recipient should take and the schedule for that action. If, for example, you are writing a query letter, ask the editor politely to let you know of his decision if at all possible in a month. If you are writing an application letter, subtlely try to set up a date and time for an interview. Here are some examples:
As soon as you approve this plan, I'll begin contacting sales
representatives at once to arrange for purchase and delivery of the
microcomputers. May I expect to hear from you within the week?
I am free after 2:00 p.m. on most days. Can we set up an appointment
to discuss my background and this position further? I'll look forward
to hearing from you.
Return to the table of contents for the TCM1603 Course Guide
(the online textbook for Austin Community College's online
technical writing course).